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What Are The Barriers That Some People Face That Stops Them Seeking The Help Of A Therapist

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People don’t want to face their feelings

If you are going through a divorce or have experienced the loss of a loved one it may be easier to buy a new outfit or go on holiday rather than talk about your feelings of fear, anxiety and grief to a total stranger.

Some clients may fear if they start crying they may not be able to stop. However, you are stronger than you think you are and with the right support, your emotions and struggles can be worked through at your pace.

Clients sometimes crave a quick fix

Therapy is a very effective process but does not happen overnight.

Therapy requires you to do the work, often over a period of months, sometimes years. Commitment and dedication to your emotional healing are so beneficial to your life in the long term.

Ashamed to seek help

Everybody no matter what profession or walk of life they come from needs help from time to time. Some of us feel that by seeking help means we are weak or a failure in some way, none of which are true. Unfortunately, social stigmas have a lot to answer for and can deter some people from seeking therapy.

We don’t believe it will work

Will it work for me?

In order for therapy to work you have to show up week in week out and do the work as much as the specialist.

You may want to change your life. You may be curious about therapy but feel hesitant.

Consider these points:-

  1. Take some time to self-reflect. Really think about what is holding you back, and why. What fears, doubts, stigmas or biases may be fueling your reluctance?
  2. Consider the ‘cost’ of doing nothing. Where will you be in 5 years time if you continue to repeat the same patterns that are making you unhappy today? The cost of inaction may be very high indeed.
  3. Adjust your attitude. Do you need to alter how you view investing in your happiness, health and well-being? What is your health worth to you?

No investment offers a greater return than your investment in yourself.



“Resilience is knowing that you are the only one that has the power and the responsibility to pick yourself up.”

Mary Holloway




Resilience can be developed. Loss is a part of all our lives, however practising daily self-care can help you to deal with pressure and reduce the impact that stress has on your life.

Resilience is not just your ability to bounce back from adversity, but also your capacity to adapt in the face of challenging circumstances.

You could:-

  • Make some lifestyle changes
  • Look after your physical health
  • Take a break
  • Build your support network.

I will go into these aspects in more detail in subsequent newsletters.



Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace

What is Emotional Intelligence?

A definition

Emotional Intelligence is the measure of an individual’s abilities to recognise and manage their emotions, and the emotions of other people, both individually and in groups.

Emotional Intelligence can be broken down into 5 different categories.

These are:-

Self-Regulation, Self Awareness, Motivation, Empathy and Social Skills.

Let us look at these in more detail


We need to self-regulate for reliable and healthy emotional wellbeing. To be able to calm yourself down when you are upset and to know what you need to do if you are feeling down so as to make yourself feel happy. This is a skill that anyone can improve on if they so choose to do so. The word ’emotion’ derived from the Latin means ‘to move’. Consistent self-regulation requires focus on your deepest values rather than feelings. Violation of values can produce bad feelings while acknowledging them makes you feel more authentic and empowered.


Being self-aware then is the capacity for introspection and the ability to recognise oneself as an individual separate from the environment and others. You are also aware of your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. You know your strengths and weaknesses.

If you are self-aware you have an understanding of other people and you are aware of how they may perceive you in return. While you develop self-awareness your thoughts and interpretations will begin to change. This change in mental state will also alter your emotions and increase your emotional intelligence.


Motivation is the desire to do things, to want to get things done. It is the crucial element in setting and attaining goals. It is the reason for people’s actions, desires and needs. Motivation comes from within the individual.


Empathy is the capacity to understand and feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference. The capacity to place oneself in another person’s world.


Social Skills

These are the skills we use to communicate and interact with each other, both verbally and non–verbally. These can be through body language, gestures and our personal appearance.

Why is Emotional Intelligence important in the Workplace?

Emotional Intelligence at work is about how people and relationships function. How well do the people in the organization work together?

It is important because:-

  • Better able to work in teams
  • Adjust to change and be flexible
  • Follow actions not words. A powerful tool for success
  • Effective communication
  • Are authentic
  • Show respect
  • Leading with heart


There are many opportunities both in work and life to practice improving your emotional intelligence.


Have a look at the following points:-

  • Focus more on ‘we’ and less on ‘me’
  • Ask open questions
  • Practice active listening
  • Learn about people’s expectations
  • Increase empathy
  • Learn to recognise others’ needs before your own
  • Confident
  • Intuitive
  • Creative


The Emotional Intelligent business consistently excels in all these areas and has insight into how this happens.

How to develop Emotional Intelligence

  • The ability to reduce negative emotions
  • Stay calm and manage stress
  • Be assertive and express difficult emotions when necessary
  • Stay proactive..not reactive
  • Develop resilience
  • The ability to express emotions




When to use Emotional Intelligence

There are many opportunities both in work and life in which to develop your emotional intelligence.

Take a look at the following points:-

  • Focus more on ‘we’ and less on ‘me’
  • Recognise others’ needs before your own
  • Ask open questions
  • Learn about people’s expectations
  • Active listening
  • Increase empathy


To conclude

Where to use emotional intelligence

In any situation where you need to share your emotions and speak up for yourself, whilst recognizing what is going on for the other person.

Emotions are not left at the door when you enter the workplace.

Practice and use your Emotional Intelligence to succeed in life.

To learn more visit


Do you have a question or concern about counselling?


Email your questions to me ( and I’ll answer them in the next newsletter.






Positive Affirmations


“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Carl Jung


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Anais Nin.


“Change is not merely necessary to life – it is life.”

Alvin Toffler


 “You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems but by confronting them courageously.”

  1. Donald Walters


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